Open Letter: Dear Cupid,

It's not funny. This constant need to want to talk to him, spend time with him; you're torturing me. It isn't possible and things are way too complicated right now, so please stop tugging on my heart strings like I'm an instrument at your disposal. I'm not playing any sweet songs, just let it go. You've been at this for some time now with the same guy and sometimes I'd like time to breathe.

How about we call a truce? You stop slowly killing me with the desire to hear his voice tonight, and I'll stop blaming you for all the horrible choices you've thrown at me in the past. Deal? Because I can't stand another night knowing how alone I truly am.

You made me cry last night, you know. That's an awful thing to do. I hate having to hold everything in until I'm sure no one will see me. What am I supposed to say when people ask what's wrong? Tell them I'm fine and it's normal? Because it's not. Nothing is normal about this. Why can't we be normal? Why can't I be like the couples my friends get to be? Why can't I call him up? Why can't I just text him without worrying to death who might see it? Why can't I talk to him? Why can't I just see him? I keep replaying that second day in my head when he visited me a few weeks ago. I didn't want him to leave. I hugged him and held on for dear life, which turned into me not wanting to let go at all.

So thank you for finally, bring him back into my life and, giving me that wonderful, amazing, spectacular moment. But screw you for separating it with this fucked up situation.

Unfortunately yours,

Amanda