It's odd, six years have passed and yet I haven't had a chance to let this go. What happened back that December afternoon has completely altered my life, whether for better or worse I haven't figured out. I do know that you've haunted me these past years, kept me in fear without even being around. I'll have those scars you gave me, but long for them to disappear; unfortunately the memories haven't. Part of me wishes there had been a chance for closure, some way for me to tell you what a moron you were, to find out what the hell you were thinking. But that is literally impossible. There are still so many things left unsaid that will never be heard, so many questions that don't have a chance to be asked. So instead of holding them in for another six years, maybe I'll get them off my chest.
I woke up today tired of the thought of you, which is odd but maybe it's because you came up in a conversation that I was having with Marco (Polo). [which was kinda awkward] But either way, I have done lot of changing because of you, inside and out. I have only one memory of you, standing in that hallway. The last time I ever saw you. The fear in my stomach, the tears I cried, the confusion. I've thought of a million different ways that day could have turned out since then. You were stupid, foolish, stubborn. More than anything I'd like to know why? Why did you do it? Were you even thinking about anyone other than yourself? Are you happy with what you've become? You have no idea the way people looked at me afterwards, and I'm sure you couldn't care less. There are long term consequences to things like this, and I will never be able to be the same person I once was. I'm afraid of so mach because of you. I'm haunted because of you. I don't trust like I used to.
But I'm done. Finally, six years later, I've had enough of this. I refuse to let this shape the rest of my future. You aren't worth it and I'm stronger than that. No one can look at me anymore and see it written on my face like they could before. So from now on I will no longer think of you; you will remain nameless and faceless. What happened back then between us will be forgotten. You will be forgotten.
Sincerely,
Amanda
1 comment:
I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. Having that feeling and emotions most have been so hard for you but on a better night... this is beautifully written and I feel like you got what you wanted out. I hope you feel so much better. Put this in the past and honestly... just worry about Marco (Polo)...... i've been waiting to see new post about him. How's he doing?
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