Over-thinking...

Last night I realized that...

Over-thinking ruins you.

Ruins the situation, twist things around,

makes you worry and just makes everything

much worse than it actually is.

Open Letter: Dear Shane Nameless and Faceless

It's odd, six years have passed and yet I haven't had a chance to let this go. What happened back that December afternoon has completely altered my life, whether for better or worse I haven't figured out. I do know that you've haunted me these past years, kept me in fear without even being around. I'll have those scars you gave me, but long for them to disappear; unfortunately the memories haven't. Part of me wishes there had been a chance for closure, some way for me to tell you what a moron you were, to find out what the hell you were thinking. But that is literally impossible. There are still so many things left unsaid that will never be heard, so many questions that don't have a chance to be asked. So instead of holding them in for another six years, maybe I'll get them off my chest.

I woke up today tired of the thought of you, which is odd but maybe it's because you came up in a conversation that I was having with Marco (Polo). [which was kinda awkward] But either way, I have done lot of changing because of you, inside and out. I have only one memory of you, standing in that hallway. The last time I ever saw you. The fear in my stomach, the tears I cried, the confusion. I've thought of a million different ways that day could have turned out since then. You were stupid, foolish, stubborn. More than anything I'd like to know why? Why did you do it? Were you even thinking about anyone other than yourself? Are you happy with what you've become? You have no idea the way people looked at me afterwards, and I'm sure you couldn't care less. There are long term consequences to things like this, and I will never be able to be the same person I once was. I'm afraid of so mach because of you. I'm haunted because of you. I don't trust like I used to.

But I'm done. Finally, six years later, I've had enough of this. I refuse to let this shape the rest of my future. You aren't worth it and I'm stronger than that. No one can look at me anymore and see it written on my face like they could before. So from now on I will no longer think of you; you will remain nameless and faceless. What happened back then between us will be forgotten. You will be forgotten.

Sincerely,

Amanda

MEMO TO MEN: The vulnerability lesson

TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Amanda
RE: Go ahead...ask.
DATE: January 19, 2012

Can I get to know you better?

It's just 7 words. It's just one question. And it's the chorus to a song by one of my favorite 60s group The Turtles. It probably sounds crazy to you, boys, but this is the sexiest pick-up line if you ask me. The hands-down, blows-away-the-competition sexiest. When you think about it, is there really anything more genuine than simply asking someone if you can get to know them? There's something so innocently sexy about that question that would probably make me want to take my heart right off my sleeve and give it to you.

Maybe I'm so moved by this question because of the little fence I've noticed building up since Damn It Douche Bag Kyle. Granted, it's not a huge wall, but it nonetheless has made me a bit closed off at times, afraid to get close to anyone and even more afraid of getting hurt again. But this question? If you just came up to me, smiled and asked, "Can I get to know you better...?" Something tells me it would tear down that fence just a little bit, as if gently telling me that you're a good guy.

I'm not naïve. I know being vulnerable means taking a leap without knowing where you'll land or even if you're strapped to a parachute. But I'd rather take a leap in the hopes of discovering the real you than resigning myself with being content to hold a stranger's hand for the rest of my life.

Because when it comes down to it, boys, I want to get to know the real you too. I don't want to get to know some version you think I want to meet. I don't want to get to know you -- only you and all of you.

Think about it: What if we were to strip everything away, scratching and unwrapping layer after superficial layer away? What would we see? Would we even be able to recognize ourselves anymore?

So, go ahead and ask me, boys, if you can get to know me better. And what will I say in return?

"What do want to know?" xoxo

IMDb.com Top 250 Movie Challenge

Remember on my 2012 Bucket List, good old number 13 said, "Expand my movie knowledge and watch all the top 250 movies on IMDb.com" <-- Yeah, that one! Wow I was stupid for saying that. Here's the list.

UPDATED: (6/26/12)

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

The Godfather (1972)

The Godfather: Part II (1974)

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

Pulp Fiction (1994)

12 Angry Men (1957)

Schindler's List (1993)

The Dark Knight (2008)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Fight Club (1999)

Inception (2010)

Seven Samurai (1954)

The Lord of the Rings; The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Goodfellas (1990)

Star Wars (1977)

City of God (2002)

Casablanca (1942)

The Matrix (1999)

Once Upon a Time in the West (1958)

Rear Window (1954)

Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

The Usual Suspects (1995)

Se7en (1995)

Psycho (1960)

Forrest Gump (1994)

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

Memento (2000)

Leon: The Professional (1994)

Sunset Blvd. (1950)

Dr. Stranglelove or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Apocalypse Now (1979)

American History X (1998)

North by Northwest (1959)

Citizen Kane (1941)

Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)

American Beauty (1999)

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Toy Story 3 (2010)

Taxi Driver (1976)

Alien (1979)

Spirited Away (1979)

City Lights (1931)

Vertigo (1958)

The Shining (1980)

Paths of Glory (1957)

Amelie (2001)

M (1931)

The Pianist (2002)

WALL-E (2008)

The Departed (2006)

Double Indemnity (1944)

The Lives of Others (2006)

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Modern Times (1936)

Aliens (1986)

Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

Life Is Beautiful (1997)

Back to the Future (1985)

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

Das Boot (1981)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

The Third Man (1949)

The Prestige (2006)

L.A. Confidential (1997)

Chinatown (1974)

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)

The Green Mile (1999)

Cinema Paradiso (1988)

The Great Dictator (1940)

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1974)

Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

Rashomon (1950)

Gladiator (2000)

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Amadeus (1984)

Raging Bull (1980)

Some Like It Hot (1959)

Singin' in the Rain (1952)

Bicycle Thieves (1948)

All About Eve (1950)

Braveheart (1995)

The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

Metropolis (1927)

Oldboy (2003)

The Apartment (1960)

A Separation (2011)

Unforgiven (1992)

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)

Downfall (2004)

The Sting (1973)

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Princess Mononoke (1997)

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

The Elephant Man (1980)

Up (2009)

On the Waterfront (1954)

Die Hard (1988)

Gran Torino (2008)

The Maltese Falcon (1941)

The Seventh Seal (1957)

The Lion King (1994)

The Great Escape (1963)

Grave of the Fireflies (1988)

Rebecca (1940)

Batman Begins (2005)

Yojimbo (1961)

For a Few Dollars More (1965)

Heat (1995)

Witness for the Prosecution (1957)

The General (1926)

Sin City (2005)

Snatch (2000)

Fargo (1996)

Blade Runner (1982)

Ran (1985)

Wild Strawberries (1957)

Black Swan (2010)

Touch of Evil (1958)

Hotel Rwanda (2004)

Jaws (1975)

The King's Speech (2010)

No Country for Old Man (2007)

Toy Story (1995)

The Big Lebowski (1998)

The Deer Hunter (1978)

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Cool Hand Luke (1967)

The Sixth Sense (1999)

It Happened One Night (1934)

Strangers on a Train (1951)

Warrior (2011)

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Annie Hall (1977)

Scarface (1983)

Ikiru (1952)

Platoon (1986)

High Noon (1952)

The Gold Rush (1925)

The Wages of Fear (1953)

The Kid (1921)

Into the Wild (2007)

Trainspotting (1996)

Donnie Darko (2001)

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

The Grapes of Wrath (1940)

Notorious (1946)

Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927)

Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Gone with the Wind (1939)

The Secret in Their Eyes (2009)

There Will Be Blood (2007)

The Thing (1982)

Casino (1995)

Amores Perros (2000)

Groundhog Day (1993)

Life of Brian (1979)

Ben-Hur (1959)

Diabolique (1955)

Finding Nemo (2003)

The Big Sleep (1946)

The Terminator (1984)

The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

The Graduate (1967)

How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

Stand by Me (1986)

V for Vendetta (2005)

Twelve Monkeys (1995)

Dog Day Afternoon (1975)

District 9 (2009)

The Manchurian Candidate (1962)

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

Good Will Hunting (1997)

Judgement at Nuremberg (1961)

The Artist (2011)

Network (1976)

Gandhi (1982)

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

The 400 Blows (1959)

The Night of the Hunter (1955)

Mary and Max (2009)

The Battle of Algiers (1966)

8 1/2 (1963)

Dial M for Murder (1954)

Persona (1966)

The Wrestler (2008)

The Princess Bride (1987)

The Killing (1956)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011)

Ratatouille (2007)

The Hustler (1961)

La Strada (1954)

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)

Hugo (2011)

Drive (2011)

The Exorcist (1973)

The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928)

The Driving Bell and the Butterfly (2007)

Fanny and Alexander (1982)

Howl's Moving Castle (2004)

The Wild Bunch (1969)

Stalag 17 (1953)

Star Trek (2009)

A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)

Avatar (2009)

Barry Lyndon (1949)

Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

Sherlock Jr. (1924)

Rocky (1975)

All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)

Night of Cabiria (1957)

Infernal Affairs (2002)

Harakiri (1962)

Roman Holiday (1953)

Rosemary's Baby (1968)

The Celebration (1998)

Let the Right One In (2008)

Mystic River (2003)

Elite Squad: The Enemy Within (2010)

A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Rope (1948)

Magnolia (1999)

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

In Bruges (2008)

The Incredibles (2004)

Ip Man (2008)

Tokyo Story (1953)

Big Fish (2003)

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)

Manhattan (1979)

Stalker (1979)

Ed Wood (1994)

3 Idiots (2009)

Three Colors: Red (1994)

Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Nausieaa of the Valley of the Wind (1984)

Monsters, Inc. (2001)

Shutter Island (2010)
The Truman Show (1998)

Now the list is always being updated, on the count of people are always voting for certain movies each day. But, I'll be going off this one because that's when I started this challenge.

How I Feel (in Photos): A Girl Can Dream, Right?

Friday the 13th, 2012!

Yikes, friends! Today is Friday the 13th.
How superstitious are you? Do you scare easily? What's the craziest superstition you've ever heard? Apparently, it's considered bad luck to keep goldfish in the house...who knew?!?!?
I'm quite the scaredy-cat -- pun intended! xoxo

btb... I'm actually having an amazing day so far. :]]

Postcard Cups.

Online shop Bailey Doesn't Bark offers something I've never seen before: Postcard Cups! All you do is write your message on the cup, let it dry for 24 hours and then bake it in the oven for 35 minutes...and voila! You've got a permanent message! I absolutely love this idea and want one. How cute would it be to get this from someone with a little message on it? What would you write on your cup, and who would you give it to?

xoxo

How I Feel (in Photos).

:]] :]] :]] :]]

So, about those love bombs.

Romance and love is a funny thing, isn't it? Sometimes, it's so obvious that you have feelings for someone; it's as if the emotions can't leap out of your chest fast enough, and you find yourself tripping over your words. Then, other times, you find yourself in a minefield of confusion. Love bombs, as I call them, keep going off, but you don't know which ones are directed at you and which ones you're simply reading too much into.

I, obviously, tend to follow the second path, both hurling love bombs in the air and not knowing what to do with the ones that I find rolling toward my feet. I received this interesting comment in response to talking with a friend over some similar subject.

"Relationships are not like your college classes. You can't "study" for life experiences like dating."

Wouldn't it be great if love was like that? If there was some sort of manual to read, full of how-to guides and checklists for every situation you could possibly encounter. Even though the romantic side of me would hate it, the rational part of me would love a scientific, logical approach to dating.

I'd love a handy how-to guide for telling someone you like them - a list of possible things to say, perhaps. It would certainly squelch a lot of those butterflies. If you think about it, it sort of makes sense. There's no questioning how you feel about someone, and the person on the receiving end never has to wonder how you feel about them. Everything is out in the open. No pretense. No secrets. No hiding the truth, or even being afraid that your true feelings will seap through without your knowing. There's a certain sort of freedom with knowing that you don't have to hide how you feel, isn't there, boys? You don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing or about the other person judging you.

Wouldn't it be amazing if men and women were just honest with each other, if we shared our emotions openly and let someone know how we truly felt about them? Maybe we're all just making things more difficult than they need to be. I don't know about you, but there's always that person that makes you come undone. I'm excited for the day I can just blurt out, "I like you" to that someone. That's it. Just those 3 little words. It sums up exactly how I feel without any fancy speeches or beating around the bush. What do you think that would look like? What would you think if I actually did that? And really, what exactly are we afraid of?

So tell me, boy...how do I know if you like me? What's your go-to move for telling a girl you like her?

2012 Bucket List

Just a couple things I wanna do and/or get done this coming up year.

1. Get a pebble to bounce off the surface of the water 4 times.
2. Thank my parents for everything they have done for me.
3. Visit New York again!
4. See at least 5 Broadway plays and/or musicals on stage. 
5. Jog in the serenity and quiet shroud of the night.
6. Read other people's minds.
7. Stay awake for 48 hours straight.
8. Go back to school.
9. Get a car.
10. Levitate.
11. Learn sign language.
12. Go on an actually date with someone that gives me butterflies.
13. Expand my movie knowledge and watch all the top 250 movies on IMDb.com [Dec. 30th]
14. Fly in a hot-air balloon.
15. Fold a thousand origami cranes and give them to someone special.
16. Go stargazing with someone that makes me smile.
17. Stay up the whole night till sunrise conversing and relishing in the company of a good friend.
18. Lose about 20-40 pounds.
19. Lost another 30-60 pounds.
20. Witness a meteor shower.
21. Color Easter Eggs. [April 8th]
22. Visit a Zoo with real live Pandas.
23. Fly a kite.
24. Get a tattoo.
25. Help out someone in need.
26. Get a better job.
27. Soak in the beauty of a sunset.
28. Experience a sunrise in its true glory.
29. Give someone a surprise.
30. Hug a mascot.
31. Sleep in a hammock.
32. Feel completely loved by someone.
33. Have a dinner in a location that overlooks a city.
34. Fly around a city in a helicopter.
35. Understand the truth behind the time-space continuum.
36. Go on a road trip. [May 18-30th] 
37. Fall in love. 
38. Kiss someone in the rain.
39. Read a book that I would have never read before.
40. Donate blood more than 4 times.
41. Learn to make a paper airplane.
42. Get into a cab and say, "Follow that car!"

[[I'll be adding some as I remember them.]]