Friday, October 29, 2010

That Feeling

You know when you’re somewhere tropical, and it has just rained, and everything is warm and steamy and smells incredible? Or when you get up really early in the morning, or stay out really late at night in summer, and it’s dark but still humid and there’s a perfect breeze? When you listen to a song that brings back a memory of a perfect day. Or when you wake up in the winter, and someone has been up before you and turned the heater on, so you stay in bed that little bit longer just because everything is so warm and cozy? Or when you drink too much, the moment where you feel like you can take on the world and nothing can hurt you. The feeling of accomplishment when you finish something that means the world to you. When you sleep over at a friends, and in the middle of the night, you go for a walk around the streets and just lie in the middle of the road, watching the colors change on the traffic lights, holding your best friends hand. Remember when you were a little kid and the simplest things made you happy? Like blowing bubbles, or pink fairy floss, or having a butterfly painted on your cheek. Those energetic moods, when you’re home alone blasting your favorite songs and dancing like there’s no tomorrow. The feeling after you exercise, you’re full of energy and just feel like screaming with happiness. Or when you’re favorite song comes on the radio, and you turn it up really loud and sing to it like crazy. The single moment of pure adrenaline, when you’re on a ride, and the moment where you feel like you’re going to fall off, you put arms up and let go and forget about absolutely everything. That feeling. That is what we live for. That is what makes it all worth it. And right now, that is what I need. I need that feeling.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Gregory Jordan Harris ♥

I wondered for the first time today what life would be like if I'd never met him. I know that sounds terrible, but I was thinking deeper. I was wondering where I'd be at that exact moment had he not barged into my life because let's be honest here. He pretty much did barge in. I honestly didn't even care if I meant him at the time. He honestly came out of nowhere, and I never saw him coming. I had no head start, or fair warning. He just kinda showed up and made a spot for himself in my life.

At the beginning, I didn't want him to be a part of it. I wondered who he thought he was, moving in on my life and making himself known. But then he surprised me. He won me over. I can't lie; I tried my hardest to not fall for it. To not fall for him and I don't mean fall for him as in falling in love. I mean fall for him as a person. The person he was around me. The person he was to me. My close friend. Someone I love.

But it just sorta happened. That spot he'd cleared for himself in my life became pretty comfortable. And when I pushed him out, it actually felt empty. That's when I realized what he meant to me. It took me a long time to realize how much I needed him to fill the spot he created. And now I don't want to even imagine him not being here.

I really don't know where I'd be or who I'd be. I think I really understand why he was so stubborn in the beginning; he was so stubborn to be a part of my life. I'm really glad he stuck around to show me what I couldn't see: everything that was right in front of me all along. I was wondering where I'd be at that exact moment had he not barged into my life and I truly don't care because I'm glad he was in my life. I'm glad I got to meet him and became good friends. I wouldn't change it at all.

R.I.P Gregory Jordan Harris.
3.18.87 -- 10.24.10
I love you.

Friday, October 8, 2010

I Am

I am loud, because I prefer to be.
I am a freak, because I know you’ll remember me.
I am different, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I am smart, but my knowledge fades away.
I am confused, because life has so many paths.
I am thinking, my mind is always racing.
I am afraid, because so much has let me down.
I am lonely, because I know you won’t be around.
I am emotional, I guess I was born this way.
I am truthful, and I have a lot to say.
I am trustworthy, because I like people to tell me things.
I am upset, because happiness is out of reach.
I am doubtful, because so much can change so quickly.
I am self conscious, because I hate the way I look.

I am Amanda Brydon, thats all.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

My Heart

My heart is ugly. I'm mean and sarcastic, mixed with this insane ability to mess things up. I don't want to be ugly anymore .I don't want to be remembered as the girl with the ugly heart. I want to be bright and shiny, remembered as the girl who loved lots, the girl who laughed easily, the girl who seemed to shine just because.

Inside each of us, there's a piece that wants to be memorable and beautiful. Maybe society taught us that. Maybe since the fall of man, we've been reaching to attain perfection. I'm not an exception to this. The thought of no one remembering me scares me; becoming faceless makes me nervous. Whether people remember me or not is still not what matters. It's still about my inside - my heart.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Don't



DON'T THINK. DON'T FUCKING THINK. BECAUSE WHEN YOU THINK YOU REALIZE JUST HOW FUCKED UP EVERYTHING REALLY IS. YOU REALIZE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GOT WHERE YOU ARE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.