How many times have you gotten in the way of yourself?

I can't stop thinking about it. It's barely been twenty-four hours and I feel like I've completely shattered my world from the floor up. I'm tired of being so brash, I'm tired of living my life like it's a series of important decisions.

For once, I'd like to just live. Especially in the present. I've been so wrapped up in the future that I forgot about what was right in front of me. I took what I had for granted. I saw an escape from what I thought wasn't good enough so I threw it carelessly out the window.

I don't know what's going on with me. More than ever, I want to fix it.

Maybe I should tried harder, maybe I could actually be patient and see if this works out. If it is anything at all. Maybe I should be more appreciative of the situation I'm in. Enjoy these feelings. I keep putting the blame elsewhere but it truly should be resting with me. And now that I'm alone, it is. But I could never let it before. It's hard to deal with myself right now. I'm truly not proud of what I've done.