Lounge Talk: The Phrase; "How Are You?"

Hello there? How are you?

Be honest, don't you hate that sometimes? When someone looks at you in the eye and asks you how you are when you both clearly know you are just plain crappy? I do. Oh yes, I do. Why? Because they caught me. Though I was to smart wearing this mask of "fine", but once someone asks how I am, I break. It's comforting, revelaing, and taunting. Comforting because someone finally cares to ask... taunting because now you have to face the truth. The mess you are in that you created... well of course is this about me, I don't know about you.

So, how much longer can I hold it together? Eh. The exact question would be, how much longer can I put this off? I am in the biggest tug-o-war that I have ever had to fight with. My sanity is holding on the by the finger and I just to want to see what happens if I just let go. My heart strings are as thin as a pin now, not left  with as many as I started with. This overpowering shadow of solitary has been the creator of the tears I wish would end.

Where am I?

I'm okay during the day, I feel on top of the world and its easy to ignore all of this. But, once I'm alone. I'm lost. I have nothing to do bu collect my thoughts and sort through them like a filing cabinet. When I do fall asleep, I'll dream about it. It has been an ongoing sleep thing that I have not been able to wake from. I stay up in my bed... thinking... feeling.

This needs to end. The right way. The way I always told myself I would. I have hope, but I am weak. I have never been this weak. It's nice to finally admit it but, now what am I going to do about it?

Well, baby steps I assume. One breath at a time, no matter how much it burns. I have to learn to just not care anymore... but how can I be like that?

xoxo