My Mind is a Mix Tape.

The things that I have no control over are the things that cut me the deepest. The things I can't change are the things that keep me up at night. The things I have nothing to do with are the things that wont leave me alone. My mind gets the best of me. I know I'm an over-thinker, but this feels much deeper than that. I'm letting myself get worked up over things that I can't do anything about -- and it's tearing me apart.


I have no reason to be this way. But I can't figure out how to let things go and get them off my mind. Why does it have to be so hard? I can't change anything and nothing will ever change. It's all history, set in stone, stuck in the past. Yet I'm still dwelling on it. Even though it's truly none of my business, I'm letting it kill me. I wish I knew how to escape it. I wish I knew how to let it go. I know I can't go back and erase things, or change things to my liking but if I had the chance I would in a heartbeat.

I've been questioning everything lately.

As each little part of my life is going it's own direction, I can't help but question. Everything.
There are things that one day I can't live without and the next I just want to cut loose. But I'm scared to take action on any of these questionings. Because what if it's just a temporary phase? But what if I'm really spiraling? I've been questioning everything lately. I feel like if I don't make a decision soon, everything is going to spiral faster. Everywhere. But if I make the wrong decision, everything could fall apart. It's so like me to over-contemplate everything. But then why do I feel so different?

This is everything I've wanted. But it doesn't feel like I thought it would. It feels strange. I avoided it for so long, then took the plunge. Now I feel like I'm back at square one. Every night, I spiral. I just wish I could stop questioning, And see all the right answers fall into my hands. Or at least fill my heart.

Open Letter: Dear 2010

Thanks to those who hated me, you made me a stronger person. Thanks to those who loved me, you made my hear bigger. Thanks to those who envied me, you made my self-esteem grow. Thanks to those who cared, you made me feel important. Thanks to those who worried, you let me know that you care. Thanks to those who left, you showed me that not everything is forever. Thanks those who stayed, you showed me that mean of true friends. Thanks to those who entered my life, you made me who I am today.

Sincerely, Me.

Welcome to the world

Bailey Alan and Madison Scott.

December 23rd, 2010

6:09am and 6:10am.

I can't wait to see you grow up.
♥

I know that I see things in a slightly different light. A lot of people do. And it re-clicked in my head today that this is how it is. Although I'm imagining something happening, there's a good chance it won't. And if I see an expression, it could be a completely different emotion. Body language is also kinda complicated if you really think it over. Over-analyse it. Which is what I do with life all the time. I should stop. And just accept things. Maybe more luck would come my way if I just stopped questioning it all? I dunno. Just a thought.

50,000 Thoughts

The human brain thinks up to 50,000 thoughts a day.

40,000 of them are negative.

How I Feel (in Photos); Tears