“Don’t waste your time. I won’t talk to you.” Those last words that I uttered to you before I hung up on you, I’ll never forget.

I haven’t really talked about you on this blog much which is extremely odd because you truly do take up a big part of my life. It’s been three years to this day and yet I haven't had a chance to move on. What happened back this November day has completely altered my life, whether for better or worse I haven't figured out. I do know that you've haunted me these past few years, kept me in fear without even being around. I can honestly say I’m not the same person I was when I was with you. You probably wouldn’t even like me now, wouldn’t even give me a second glance. I think that’s what hurts me the most.

Part of me wishes there had been a chance for closure, some way for me to tell you what a moron you were, to find out what the hell you were thinking. But that is literally impossible.

I can’t remember what it feels like for you to hold me, to kiss me on the forehead after saying something you thought was funny, or just holding my hand. I can’t remember. For the life of me, I can’t remember what your voice was like, your laugh, your touch. I just can’t remember. I’ve woken up tired from the nightmares numerous times because I am tired. I wish I could simply just sleep but I can't. I already know why… I just don’t want to say it. But to be honest with myself it’s because I’m forgetting you. The only part of you that I can hold to is the nightmares.