When I'm Dead And Gone.

I can't be the only one who has ever had this though cross their mind. I would think that anyone who keeps a personal blog, a diary or any type of journal has pondered this same question. "I wonder what people will say as they read this blog...when I am dead and gone." Anyone else ever thought about that? Perhaps it's a morbid thought, however I have been told on many occasions that I tend to have morbid thoughts. There are some things I have written about in this blog that even my closest family and friends are clueless about. If they did know about it, I worry that it might scare them, that they would be unable to handle my raw truths. Or perhaps a bigger fear is that I couldn't handle what they would think of me, what I would leave behind to be remembered by. I suppose if I could foresee my inevitable upcoming death, I could delete all I've written on the web. Although as we all know, a delete key never fully erases your electronic trail. Whether I like it or not, my blog will have a way of living on, long after I'm dead and gone.

For people who allow themselves to be totally and completely honest about who they are and their lives, any form of a personal journal can be very hurtful or confusing to loved ones. And I imagine that pain would only intensify after one's death. Because let's face it, to be truly honest with oneself is to admit to the various aspects of one's character in all its humanity, both well-intentioned and spiteful.

Your reactions to life's events, the experiences you have lived, your genuine opinions of friends, acquaintances, strangers...it all requires a great deal of resolve. Not to mention releasing one's deeply held thoughts and feelings. To release genuine honestly from one's own mind and heart, from you very being and to share it with others, it's not only brave but also complex given that the repercussions can resonate infinitely.

And the sometimes a journal is simply a place to vent about a situation, confrontation or a misunderstanding which soon after it occurs is resolved and even forgotten. I'm reminded of a scene in the chick flick "Bridget Jones' Diary" when, after she and Mark Darcy admit their mutual feelings, Mark finds Bridget's journal and reads her initial opinions of him. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who has yet to see the film (even though it's an old movie), but those who've seen it know what follows.