Here's To Fresh Starts

What happens when you wake up and realize you're not that 16 year old high school kid not having to care about anything besides having fun with your friends on the weekends? I guess I'm about to find out. I’m officially on my own. 21 years old and I’m moved out of my parents for the first time. Some of you may be thinking, “I’ve been out since I was 18. It’s nothing.” Well, news flash. It’s big news for me.

I spent the majority of my life hiding from the world, the only accomplishment on my mind was making it through the school day without falling asleep or being noticed. It wasn't necessarily a lonely life, but one completely unfulfilling repeat day after day. I was that girl everyone noticed offering friendly conversation, and the one everyone soon forgot about the next day but somewhere along the way, after various events and incidents beyond my control, I found myself hating being invisible.

Throughout High School I'd done a lot of hoping and dreaming of being that girl that had all the friends. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends but I wanted to be that friend. I guess I always needed that feeling of being needed and wanted. It seemed to be the only thing of importance to me at the time... and still does to this day. But a part of me is over that. So, I came to the harshest realization I had ever made--I have no idea who the hell I am.

Who am I? That awkward, lonely girl that hated not fitting in? Or the girl who tried too hard to blend in with the crowd? To this day, I still don’t know which girl I was or am. I just know this is me starting fresh. A new adventure to a new life: to a new start. (CHEERS!) I’m dedicating this move to myself. To figuring out whom exactly I am. I do know this: I have actual responsibilities now. My roommates are going to depend on me. I’m going to depend on me. I have a presence in this world. I will live my life with no regrets and I will not sweat on the small stuff. I will sooner or later figure out who I am.

But, for now, I’m just starting…